Past and present

 After having a family and kids, it feels like the past doesn’t make any sense anymore. Or I should say, the past exists, but it’s not the reference point anymore. My decisions, fears, even time itself start orienting around other people. So when I pause and reflect back, I wonder if that version of myself even existed. And if it did exist, why did it matter so much for things I wouldn’t even care about right now?

It feels very distant, or just flat. The funny thing is, the past doesn’t explain my present at all. It used to feel like a straight, linear line. But after having a family, it feels different. The life I had feels like something that happened to someone who had the same name.

Now I think my current life doesn’t rely on memory anymore. It is mostly future-oriented, and I think that makes me less of a memory-based identity. I feel like my identity now is more duty-based, or performative—I don’t know. It feels more like, what is the right thing I should be doing, versus how I used to feel back in the day: who did I know, what did I value, who was I. All these things mattered.

Somewhere in this, I think it’s confusing and also sad sometimes. But I think it is how it is. The sadness comes from the feeling that all those things seem unjustified or unreal now, even though it was a real life—it was there. It’s not that it was pointless or that I didn’t learn anything. It’s just that that life feels inaccessible right now.

Maybe I just outgrew it, like how a butterfly comes out of a caterpillar and might not even remember that it existed in a different form. Life is very strange.

Person lost

 Is it common to feel that the life you existed in 20 years ago doesn’t exist anymore in any way? You don’t know the people from 20 years ago. You don’t know your school friends. You don’t know the movies. The movies have changed. The music has changed. Nothing is the same. There is no connection.

What happened 20 years ago? If human life is made of memories, every single memory exists only within you, but it cannot be shared with any other person. All you have are new memories with your partner, or with the people who are currently with you. All I can say is that they may carry wisdom from my past, but that person is lost, that time is lost, and the connections are lost.

Is this what reincarnation feels like? Maybe our older generations told us about reincarnation, and we understood it incorrectly. Maybe we slightly reincarnate every 10 or 20 years.

Jandagi jhand hai!

Jandagi jhand hai!

Ab iska matlab kya hain? Yeh hame bhi nahi paata. Mein abhi denever nikalru boston se… yeh fligh jo hai engine karab hogaya bolra captain. Engine number 2 kaathe. … abhi abhi update aaya bolra we got clearance that’s good news but delay  due to ground personnel unavailability bolra. Kya hai ki in logon ka…

Mein abhi type karinge socha jandagi ke baare mein maga type kara mera flight adventure.

Ap logon ku mein jandagi kyu bolru maloom? Amithab ka ek movie rehtha usme woh jandagi boltha .. bachapan mein dheka woh movie. Movie samaj mein nahi aaya magar woh line aatak gaya. Teek hain apne story pe aajayinge…

Jandagi kya hain yarron …sochu mein tho ruko… kya hai ki likna bole tgo bhi dhimak nahi chalra… bachpan itta tez baagtata dhimak ab bus rukich gaya. Baal jaadre  saafed hore energy katham woh mazza nahi raha jandagi mein… i think woich hain jandagi jhand hai… woh bolte hain zindagi jhan hain phir bhi gaamand hai … aab kaaheka gaamand.. hau gaamand tho hai .. budde hone kee baad bhi charbhi chaad jaati na aur ee gussa aata cheezon pe,.. bina matlab ke gussa aata… ab dheko flight baggage checkin mein hamara baaga ka che pound jada hogaya.. tho woh bolri  sorry we can accept this you have to distribute the weight .. mein bolru che poound hi tho hai..woh bolri extra is extra incharge 100$ more… nakko amma.. mein distribute karletu.. tu bus free mein kaam chaala… magar apne andar mein gusse ke kaami kuch nahi.. gussa kaha nilkalna ab? Gaya co-traveler …. Shuru ho gaya packa kare jab dhekete nai kya.. kitta pound hua.. kaiku chai itte kapde pheko.. kyu khardine beekar ke cheeze yeh sab… 10 min ke baad mein jaake puchtu thand lagra mera woh redsox ka hoodie kaha pe hai… aise ankhon se stare mila baap re pura mera woh gussa utar gaya… i think woich hai jandagi jaand hai phir bhi gaamand hai…..chalo mera flight finally take off hora .. captain bhi announce kardiya seat bandlo bolke.. .. delta wals free wifi dera ab woh bhi sign kare beena free nahi bai… extraction 2 dhektu…  chalo good nightZzz 

You are on a journey.

Yes, I’m on a journey since my birth but don’t know where to. As much as birth is real, I believe after life is also real. Knowing that one day I would be teleported into the afterlife phase but I still continue in my journey thinking as though this physical life is a constant. I’m in the quest to achieve something which I sometimes don’t even know what it is, but I think that’s what life is or maybe not. I don’t know.

Sometimes all I think about is maybe the end goal isn’t itself isn’t the end, may be the journey itself is the end goal. At times the journey of life has rough roads similar to the rough seas as a sailor would experience before reaching the shore. But it would be the rough seas and myriad experiences that the sailor has had during his sail which would have made his life interesting than the destiny itself.But coming back to my primary obligation I still don’t know what my destiny is and yet I’m on a journey to somewhere. Now, did the sailor have a specific destiny when he first set his sail or did he just start an expedition to a place that he had heard about in the form of stories and fables; without even knowing if it were true or not.

 If I were to be a sailor who just picked up his raft and sailed through the seas to find treasure I’d think I better be on the right track. During my sail In the middle of nowhere what if I start to think that this might not be the destiny that I aimed for it has to be something different and I don’t know what that something is. Is it the rough tides that is making me think like that or is it the importance of life itself, meaning having a realization that treasure’s worth isn’t more than that of the life I have.

But again with this thought I come back to the eternally unanswered question what is life or what is the purpose of life. May be my purpose of life is not the treasure itself may be it’s the journey that I take to find the treasure? I don’t know. At this moment I’m keep moving forward thinking that it’s the journey that’s counting towards my life. When I finally get to the treasure I think I wouldn’t even care what my life would be after acquiring the treasure, because my life will not be the same when I first started the sail. 

I don’t know why I keep thinking as though I’m close to the treasure while my sail isn’t even half way through or if I’m even on the right sail . Now, after I write this I don’t even know if finding the treasure is my real destiny. May be the journey will not only lead to the treasure it might lead to something else that I would have never imagined or may be make me realize what my destiny is.  

Shift Coverage

I’m sitting , on the chair in Dev 111 A lab , the busiest lab at the downtown campus. Good looking girls are popping in and out of the lab and I am in a position to do nothing, its an usual thing. The printer runs out of paper every now and then and I am tired of answering the phone calls as the university server is down .There is nothing much to do here today, its a quiet and boring day but the girls in here are pretty good looking. All in all I am having a good time baby sitting a bunch of computers and writing from my workstation, looking at the attractive females.

Black Friday

A powerful bomb blast took place at Mecca Masjid near Charminar claiming 14 lives and injuring about 50 people. It was gruesome incident that I have ever seen in Hyderabad happened in the recent past. Thanks for the public at least that they dint start the blame game for this incident and provoke violence. Peoples mind set has really changed with the changing time. Every part of the city was under control immediately after the blast took place even though some tried to create disharmony and got what they deserved. For the first time ever the Charminar area wore a deserted look on Saturday i.e. the next day of the blast with out even a single person on the road, as there was a bandh called by the MIM. But the city should have reacted in a more positive manner by not calling for bandh and getting back to there normal work as it was seen in Mumbai after serial attacks. Calling for a bandh has become a latest fad for the political party to promote themselves. It’s a disgrace that these people are cashing on these kinds of issues.But any ways thanks to the City Police Commissioner Balwinder Singh who kept the city under control by deploying rapid action force across the city.

INDIA AIDNI

India is said to be one of the oldest country in the world having a history of 5000 years, but today it is regarded as only a 57-year-old republic nation. In these 57 years India has seen many things and its ready to take over the world with a new face and again at the same time India is seeing another face with growing poverty and population.

We can see two India’s in one India. The cream of the crop is bent upon taking India to new heights where as the hypocritical politicians try to keep the people ignorant and make a stumbling block in the growth of the country.

India is boasting itself as a forerunner in science and technology, where as focus is being given only on development of software industries and technology does not mean development of software industries it should be in every aspect. Least importance is being given in the other fields such as basic sciences whereas our neighboring country China is growing in every field. India has forgot that still agriculture is the backbone of the country. People don't realize that improvement of research and technology in agriculture, life sciences, and physics can do wonders for the country.

In these 57 years there are many changes, people who used to work under the foreign companies now have the capability to own them and run those companies, again at the same time people are leaving their homeland seeking for so called better living and still work for the foreign blood.Today you have to decide whether the country is confused or ready for ticking into the future.

INDIA is ready to fly the only thing is that you have to add fuel to it.